Welcome to the Panic

Posted by Raven in Chit Chat | 0 comments

I’m going to start here by saying that I currently have  $16.20 in my chequing account and I’ve been sitting with this balance for the last week.  I work full time at a job that isn’t minimum wage.  I support my daughter and I have a boyfriend who lives with me.  My situation has me paying the rent, utilities, and I rotate through paying for groceries.  You may wonder why my boyfriend isn’t putting any money into the rent and utilities…. well, long story short he’s got a home in another city where his son lives and he’s paying for that (and that… is a whole other story).   You won’t hear much more about that end of things, because this website is about me and my predicament and how the hell I plan on working my way out of living paycheque to paycheque and hopefully getting it together to be more financially independent – and finally be able to do what I’d like to do – save for retirement, a holiday … or even feel ok about going to the store to by my daughter shoes, clothes, etc… without feeling like I’m not going to make it to the end of the pay period.

I will be completely up front that I’m seriously stressing, I’m in a panic about money – money from the time I left home has always been my nemesis.  I hate it.  It’s truly the bane of my existence and I’m tired of it always being the monkey on my back.  I’m a smart woman who should know how to take control of her life and her finances…. but as of yet is a bit rusty at both!

I’m mad, in case you haven’t caught on…

I’m mad at myself for having only $16.20 in my bank account.  For having no savings, RRSPs, or money for a rainy day.  I don’t have a credit card or any real out there debt.  I do have a personal loan from my parents, due to a divorce I couldn’t pay for on my own.  It is just a big shit cake with some awesome icing on top, let me tell you!  But you know what, I’m not wallowing in self-pity.  I want to move on and up and out of this hole I’m in.

Why now?

This morning I realized that I’m doing what I had done a few years ago when I was desperate for cash – at that time I had a house = mortgage, a husband who loved to spend money and I was trying to keep things afloat by trying my hand at starting up websites to sell things.   Let’s fast forward to today – I’m starting to do the same damn thing again.  I’m feeling like I’ve got ADD – start one site, go to another idea, go to yet another idea, spend some money on things I can’t really afford so I can make more money… and at the end of the day I’m in the hole with a bunch of websites that aren’t making a dime…. why?  Because there are thousands if not more people out there trying to do the same thing as me.  I don’t have the time, the inclination, or perhaps the focus to follow through on some of the website ideas I have… some I think might make a go – but I’m starting to spiral and I think I’ve caught myself before I did end up down that path of no return.

It’s not to say I won’t give those websites a try… I’m just saying enough is enough until I start to see some income from them.  Time to focus.  Time to get things going the right way and it’s time to stop the panic.